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Mesmerized v43.3

December 21, 2010 50 comments

Metallica Drummer Sticks Out His Neck

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In a shocking television interview with the BBC, Lars Ulrich, voted the best musician of the year in Denmark 2009, revealed his original research in the field of  alcohol absorption. According to the feisty Metallic drummer, there are over 400 documented cases of brewery vat alcohol absorption cases in his hometown of Hillerod alone.

The most famous historical event involved Franz Anton Mesmer, author of the book Mémoire sur la découverte du magnétisme animal, who reportedly received treatment for dangerous levels of alcohol absorption at the Hillerod Hospital in Hillerod, Denmark, after falling in a brewery vat an nearby Frederiksborg Castle.

The folk treatment at the time was to tie down the intoxicated person to an iron table, and then allowed hypnotized chickens with magnets strapped to their feet to run up and down the body. The hospital at Hillerod still uses the sturdy iron tables, but the lack of chicken hypnotizing education, and better brewery vat design has made the treatment protocol a lost art. Mesmer always claimed the Danish treatment saved his life, and inspired his later research.

The BBC program called Utterly Lame Danish Myths, which aired on the 12th  day of Christmas, cited the researchers led by Dr. Peter Lommer Kristensen, published in the  journal BMJ (formerly the British Medical Journal), which debunked the Danish myth of alcohol absorption from falling into a brewery vat. Lars Ulrich believes Dr. Kristensen still has financial interests in his wife’s salvage business and is simply attempting to steer the hospital to get rid of the iron bed monstrosities.

Lars candidly revealed to the interviewer that at  last year’s Polé Polé Ghent he was the victim of alcohol absorption after falling into a brewery vat. The cancellation of Metallica was blamed on a wild, autographed frisbee throw to Lars’ head from the Wackies’ bass player, choreographer and lighting designer, Tyler Myrth.  Actually the frisbee toss was a near miss and Lars said he was lucky to be resuscitated from alcohol absorption by being placed on an iron manhole cover and treated with hypnotized chickens with magnets by the Wackies’ manager.

Ghent police said they had no reports of a brewery vat incident, and that Lars’ hotel room was trashed with many empty vodka bottles. When this reporter confronted Lars on this information, he just pointed at all the empty vodka bottles scattered all around the Christmas tree. “Vodka doesn’t absorb to the skin, different alcohol has different tastes, and different effects. I’ve never needed treatment for vodka related incidents. Home brewers don’t necessarily contact the police with every brewery vat incident.”

In related news…

The Wackies’ drummer, Miss Mojito, was set to appear in Switzerland to answer to a complaint generated by Teuscher chocolates. They claim her contract rider specifying Cote d’or Chocolates stores is in violation of European Union open market regulations. An out-of-court settlement involving Teuscher truffles is said to be in negotiation by the Wackies’ manager David. He is quoted as saying, “Switzerland isn’t even part of the European Union. This is just a case of attempted intimidation in the highly competitive world of Swiss vs. Belgian chocolates. Missy is just a pawn in a bigger game. And don’t forget… the Wackies are teaming up with Metallica, Cote d’or Chocolates and an all-star cast of 12 drummers drumming for a special Christmas concert at Planckendael Zoo’s baby giraffe exhibit. All the proceeds are going to the study of animal magnetism and the preservation alcohol absorption treatment facilities. It will be a mesmerizing show!”

Original research for this article was prepared by Tyler Myrth at European Holiday News. Any errors or factual mistakes that were the result of this research, well… don’t blame me.

Blogophilia 43.3 Topic: “All Around The Christmas Tree”

Bonus points:

(Hard, 2pts): interweave a historical event

(Easy, 1pt): include one of the lines mentioned in the Twelve Days of


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Categories: Blogophilia

A Taste of Lime v42.3 and PRT #199 – A Tango

December 16, 2010 35 comments

PRT #199 – A Tango

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Passionate fire burns ice cold to the core
Between my teeth I carry an invisible knife
Two predators in a mutual hunt across the dancefloor
As you fight for your life
You keep yearning for more

Dueling serpents devouring their beings
challenging their senses where passion is rife
Provoke me! Seduce me! while the accordion sings
This is not a strife
Burn me with your swings

Dressed like a lady, dancing like a whore
Blurring the line between love and hate
Never knowing what the night has in store
Raw passion feels great
Choreographing the score

Hypnotic eyes entrance, but callous words sting
Limb upon limb, we move as the music reverberates
Beneath smiling crescent moon, hearts bound with string
Yes, your desire I shall sate
But this is not just a fling

Intoxicated senses soar, our mingled hearts roar
Whispering scents carouse, tingling,arousing lips
As tendons tremor, yearning grows for the edges to explore
Hip to hip, entwined dips
Music makes love, not war

The call of the Bandonéon envelops all things
While their sensuality of cruel coldness strips
Her lustrada breaks loose, to his body she clings
And thus, at their fingertips
Hate withers and pure love springs

Tango dancers:
Ruggi (http://www.myspace.com/ruggisicksense)
Alba (http://www.myspace.com/venusdaughter)
Tyler Myrth (http://www.myspace.com/tylermyrth)
Colleen B (http://www.myspace.com/colleenbpoetry)
David (http://www.myspace.com/davidblogpage)
Miss Mojito (http://www.myspace.com/mojitoworld)

Orchestrator:
DJ Myke (http://www.myspace.com/jmichaeltodd)

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A Taste of Lime

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Liam grabbed a cola. Sprite? They call this lemon-lime? A taste of lime was all he could detect. At least there was no caffeine, this movie set was hyper enough already.

As the Stunt Coordinator it was his job to block out the final dance scene. Three couples and none of them were going with the program of using stunt doubles. It was a Stunt Coordinator’s worst nightmare.

The Choreographer, Tyler, was also dancing, and the director was making a “cameo” as one of the dancers. Liam just sighed. He’d have to block out their moves so there would be no incidental contact, already the Dutch Goth guy was throwing elbows in rehearsal.

And whose cat is that? Tommy? That black-haired EMO Colleen keeps taking its picture. And it’s eying my tuna sandwich…

* * *

“Alba! What is that expression?” The movie’s director David screamed, “You are a Tango Champion. You must bite the lime with passion, I want a fierce expression. The taste of lime makes your heart race. Let’s get some new gels in the spots, Tyler. More green. Miata green!”

Tyler got up fuming. Tango (1998) was the best dance movie ever made. A remake should stay faithful to the original mood and lighting design. He was so close to packing it in on this production. Tyler just looked at the audio engineer D. J. Myke and winced as he saw Colleen and Miss Mojito leave their dressing rooms. Purple hair? Oh, that is so EMO and cliche. But Miss Mojito was carrying it off. Colleen’s black-haired dancer look was a bit too EMO though. All we need is to put a vampire in the production, Tyler snickered to himself.

“Are you thinking this production needs to get a bit more lively?” Myke whispered to Tyler. “Just check out Goth-boy.” Pointing at Ruggi as he made his way to the dance floor.”

Tyler grabbed Colleen and pulled her onto the dance floor. He had rehearsed this tango sequence in his head for weeks… and Colleen was swept along by his fury. The rest of the cast gathered around as the two continued their steamy duet. As the music reached its crescendo, Colleen instinctively followed Tyler’s leap. And then ending in a graceful dip as the music faded away. The cast cheered wildly.

“Close, very close to what I’m looking for.” David acknowledged as he pulled Miss Mojito out to the stage. “We need a bit more tempo control. Like this.”

Ruggi and Alba were looking at everyone else getting all the attention and they couldn’t contain themselves. Running on and starting their tango dance routine too just as Tyler and Colleen started dancing again. Now all three couples were dancing hard to win the cast’s approval.

Myke hollered out for the Stunt Coordinator, Liam. All that energy contained on a small dance floor, there was bound to be collision. Liam raced in and crashed into the fruit scene table. The green gel had made the bowl of limes invisible and he called out, “Limes!” as a warning as he saw them roll towards the dance floor. The dancers all crashed to the floor as they stepped on the rolling limes…

Ruggi was up first and yelled out, “Who’s responsible for this?”

Myke replied, “It’s Liam’s doing.”

“The limes didn’t roll there by themselves,” cursed David as Alba picked herself up and grabbed a lime and bit into it with fierce eyes. “There, that is the expression!”

* * *

Ahhhh, Fate smiles thought Tommy as he pounced. It was the moment he had been waiting for… the human was on the ground still clutching the tuna sandwich. He bit hard at the delicious fishy treat as the human screamed. Blood? A taste of Liam?

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Blogophilia 42.3 Topic: “The Taste of Lime”

Bonus points:
(Hard, 2pts): Mention Purple Hair
(Easy, 1pt): Include a Black Haired Dancer
Final date to post: December 20th, 2010, GMT midnight

The Way We Were… Blogophilia

December 3, 2010 30 comments

Tyler looked behind himself, at least three watchers. He started to work the lock. After all these years he had never entered a movie showing without paying, but this was an emergency.

A fire alarm on the door… if he could just disable the sensor. There! He was in the hallway. Now to reactivate the door for safety purposes. And if he could just leave a payment for the movie fast while he rushed out the front. Or… would the watchers expect that and have the front door covered already? Maybe he should stay in here for a few hours, he’d be off the streets and safe.

Oh no, Ron Howard’s Grand Theft Auto? He’d last seen that a drive-in with Sallon in Centerville, his Vega cutting in line through the exit. Everyone in Centerville knew the car and didn’t mess with him. That was the way we were he mused.

Actually he never paid for movies then, Sallon would always walk over the the entrance and pay. And grab popcorn and candy. Root beer and they’d sneak in a pint of ice cream in a cooler. Mmmm he could still taste the bite of the root beer and the creamy vanilla ice cream.

Popcorn… he could smell it up front. It would be better to stay hunched down here in the theater seating. But he was hungry…

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“Hey look, Grand Theft Auto. Should we go in?” Sallon smiled and slipped off her Allis Chalmers cap.

Advice is what we ask for when we want to seem like there’s a choice,” Myke laughed and adjusted his shades. “Yeah, I can’t resist a Ron Howard movie. That’s his best, too.” They paid for two tickets at the window and stepped into the lobby.

“Tyler?”

“Sallon and Myke? Hey, what are you guys in town for?” Tyler grinned holding onto a tub of popcorn at the candy counter. “This is insane.”

FREEZE! POLICE! HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!” The three detectives spread out to cut off escape.

“What? What is this about?” Tyler called back. “Relax, this must be a misunderstanding.”

“That green Miata didn’t get abandoned in the alley out back on its own. Book ’em, Captain Bacon. Grand theft auto. Get Mankato CSI over here and process the car.”

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Topic: The Way We Were

(Hard, 2pts): complete the phrase “Advice is what we ask for….”

(Easy, 1pt): include the word ‘insane’

Categories: Blogophilia